Lately, I have been thinking quite a bit about friendship, and I think I know why—at my age true friends are few and far between. It seems to me that most people, especially those of the Christian variety, treat friendships more like trash than treasures. In my opinion, it is not difficult to recognize that university fraternities and sororities have, historically, done a much better job at developing long-lasting friendships than the church has ever done. Come to think of it, I wonder if anyone has ever done a legitimate study to discover why this is true.
As most of you know from personal experience, the friendships that are born out of university fraternities and sororities are pretty well doused with virtually every variety of immorality; whereas, the friendships that are born out of church interactions are (supposedly) pretty well doused with virtually every variety of morality. Why, then, is the church known for its inability to produce long-lasting relationships, but the university fraternities and sororities are known for their ability to produce long-lasting, even enduring, faithful friendships?
There is a part of me that wishes I had kept a record of the various friendships that I have seen permanently destroyed during my ministry; although, it is probably best that I do not have it because it would serve only to exacerbate the negative feelings I already have. What is so heartbreaking about this is the fact that most of them dissolved over simple misunderstanding—believing something that was not true, not having all the facts, and listening to gossip—as well as things as foolish as taking on another’s offense, attending to another’s business, and of course the lack of nurturing; not to mention, hasty generalizations.
I have personally experienced enough of this to last me for at least one lifetime, if not two. I really would like to know just how many people have chosen to abandon friendship with me for this single reason—they took up another’s offense. Believe it or not but this dual role of pastor/counselor has made me very vulnerable to such relationship losses, and in my opinion, I have suffered this loss far-too-often. I think we can call it “strangulation by triangulation.”
Anyway, the picture at the top was taken in 1960 (maybe 1961) when we were much younger—46 years younger—and much better looking. The suave, young man on the left is Bobby Ray Martin, the nerd in the center is Mac Goddard, and the debonair, young man on the right is Phil Bumpus. I have no idea how it happened but the three of us found ourselves attending Asbury College in Wilmore, Kentucky—at the same time, which we know now was very hard on the college. Now listen: we did not belong to a fraternity, mainly because fraternities were a definite “no-no” at Asbury (and certainly not to a sorority; heck, we couldn’t even hold hands with a girl, much less “sororitize” with her!) but we did attend church, mainly because we were required to do so, the other option being castration; YET, amazingly, I have managed to hold on to these two friends throughout all these years!! No fraternity, much church; yet, still friends! A triangle without strangulation! Is that amazing or what?
Night before last, Phil called me from his retirement home in Missouri, having just returned from a fishing trip in Minnesota, where he caught a boatload of fish and wanted to brag (being the humble soul that I am, I let him do so), and we laughed like two 19 year old boys talking about having just “sororitized” a 18 year old blonde! Can you believe it? This is 46 years after our first meeting (when he really was trying to figure out how to, well, just forget that I said that)!
Today, I had lunch with Bobby Ray at the Old Time Buffet! We picked up right where we left off the last time we met, as if it had been only a few minutes before. We laughed and ate and talked and, well, we did what we have always done—we nurtured our relationship and loved every minute of it!
Based upon “looks” one of these old codgers will die long before me but however it works out, I will always love them, and I will always call them—TRUE FRIENDS!
MY POINT: When you get my age, I hope you have some folk you can call true friend, and I hope you make it to my age!
1 comment:
Interesting! Castration vs going to church? Anyway,I think that the reason why fraternities tend to produce more long and enduring friendships is that during those crazy years one's humanity is unmasked and people get to see others as they really are ... totally depraved children of wrath!Then you get to see those same folks grow out of that college kid syndrome and become men! It is my observation that churches (at least all of those that I have attended) are packed full of BS from the top to the bottom. Pastors should write every member's name on a slip of paper and place it in a box, then every sunday draw out one of those names and have that person come forward and tell everyone about that "sin" they committed years ago that no one knows about. Or maybe tell everyone what movies they watch while in hotel rooms. Or maybe tell about that problem they have with "substances" when they are out of sight. In fraternities, all of these faults are in plain view!
Could be the difference!
Post a Comment