Dependence

June 17, 2009

Dear Fellow Travelers,
When we finally come to the place where we no longer see others as a means of satisfying our addictions, we are, then and only then, able to love. Prior to this, we see others through the lenses of fear—the paralyzing fear that they will fail to provide us with what we believe we desperately need—their love and acceptance and approval. When you no longer give others the power to make you happy (or miserable, for that matter), you are finally free to love.
Anthony de Mello, in his book, “Awareness” (p. 172-173), asked this question: “Can you imagine a life in which you refuse to enjoy or take pleasure in a single word of appreciation or to rest your head on anyone’s shoulder for support?” He went on to add this: “Think of a life in which you depend on no one emotionally, so that no one has the power to make you happy or miserable anymore. You refuse to need any particular person or to be special to anyone or to call anyone your own.”
Please take a few minutes and consider what de Mello has said, and whether or not you agree, I do hope it will remind you of just how much our unhealthy need for others, causes us to sap the life out of them, to sabotage relationships with them, and to leave us in a perpetual state of dependence.
“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore, keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1; NASB).