I Get the Message!!

Thursday morning, September 13, 2007
Ok! OK!! OK!!! I get the message! Of all the responses I thought I might have received from my winning the lottery, the one I received most was the least expected—HOW MUCH DID YOU WIN? The truth is I would have told you but when the lottery people learned that I was a minister they suggested that I not reveal the amount because it oftentimes causes problems—jealousy, envy, judging and a host of others—so I was just trying to be obedient and follow their advice.
I have had the night to think it over, however, and in the thinking, I decided to be “disobedient” (who would have ever dreamed it!) and tell you how much I won, provided, however, that you never tell anyone. Ok? Thanks! I mean, if this gets out, all those religious bigots will be after me and I, simply, do not have time to deal with their envy and jealousy and judging. If they could just accept the One True Gospel, they would not have the time, nor the inclination, to be so involved in the business of others—judging, correcting, saving, gossiping, conforming, educating, distancing, et al—because they would be preoccupied with living the True Christian life!
Wait a minute; hold the phone; it just dawned upon me that Jesus had to deal with them every day, so I guess I would be in “good company” after all (not as busy, as I thought!); therefore, on second thought, forget about keeping it a secret—go ahead and tell whomever you choose! Who knows, someone might “get saved” by my having won the lottery and THAT would be a hoot; even better, someone might stumble upon the One True Gospel, as the result of my winning the lottery, and THAT would be a “double hoot”!
Are you ready? I am about to reveal the amount, so hold on to your seat. Are you sure you are ready? Before I tell you, you might want to think about the fact that should you tell others, in all probability the religious bigots among them will come after you as well, unless of course you tell them what a sorry excuse for a Christian I am, how disappointed you are in me, how I have compromised my witness, how hundreds and hundreds will end up in hell as a result, how I have disgraced the ministry, how I have disgraced the church, and how I need to confess, repent, and seek God’s forgiveness!
Should you be so bold as to do what one of my readers did with this story, namely, tell all his friends that this “perspective” was the clearest picture of the gospel he had ever read, you, like my reader, could expect to be, well, you could expect to be placed into the same “pigeon hole” as they have placed me, and THAT would be a hoot ‘de hoot! What an incredible honor it would be to have you in my “pigeon hole!”
The truth is I hate being “pigeon holed!” Methodist, Baptist, Presbyterian, Lutheran—who cares, unless it is the pigeon hole labeled “Renegade”! For some reason, I love being a renegade, especially when it irritates the religious. I know I do not hate religion as much as Jesus hated it but I do think I am gaining ground on Him! I have the feeling that when He told His disciples to pick the grain on the Sabbath (because He hated religion), the religious reacted to Him in much the same way they will react to you, especially when they learn that my winning, motivated you to buy a lottery ticket, maybe even two!
Oh, I almost forgot—I won the grand sum of two hundred forty dollars ($240)! Ain’t that a hoot te doot!

His!