I Won the Lottery!

Wednesday morning, September 12, 2007
I WON THE LOTTERY! I am not kidding; I won the lottery! Well, it wasn’t that Mega Million lottery; however, I was somewhat richer when I left the store, than I was when I entered it. Admittedly, I took a huge chance (the odds were AGAINST me) but this time I won.
Now that you know this, I will give you time to deal with all the “religious” feelings you are having, as I tell you that I did refuse to accept the money; after all, I am a preacher and preachers would never accept ill-gotten gain. Even so, it was fun to win—to beat the odds!
If you believe that I refused to accept this money, I suppose I should also tell you that I never drink wine, hate good cigars, despise Scotch, shoot scratch golf, am an incredible dancer, obey the Law, read the Bible a 4 AM every day, and live a holy life. I mean, if you believe the first lie, you will probably believe the rest of them; in any case, it gives you something to think about (maybe, “I” give you something to think about!).
This is the truth: I love good wine, good cigars, good Scotch, play miserable golf, have no clue as to dancing, do not obey the Law (cannot!), do not read the Bible every day, much less at 4 AM every day, and I do not live a holy life (cannot!). Now don’t you go and start feeling sorry for me because I am fine—like really fine! There is absolutely no reason for you to try to convince me to stop enjoying wine, cigars, and Scotch because I will not give you that kind of power over me. There is certainly no need for you to chastise me for my not keeping the Law because I cannot; I have tried and tried but I always mess up (in case you have forgotten, Jesus knew I could not keep it, so He kept it for me!). As to dancing, well, my Mama messed up my mind about dancing by telling me (repeatedly and emphatically) that it is sin and you cannot change that. As to Bible reading, I promise that I have done my share of that, just not every day at 4 AM (not any day at 4 AM, that I can remember). I really wish I could live a holy life but, if I cannot obey the rules, I sure as hell cannot live a holy life. If you knew just how hard I have futilely tried to live “holy-ly” you would feel sorry for me but don’t! Jesus knew about my depravity and, thankfully, He loved me enough to perfectly and permanently deal with my sin problem, leaving me “seated at His right hand in the Holy of Holies” (the MOST holy of all places!), which, obviously, fixed my inability to live a holy life. By now you should be figuring out why I love Him and trust my destiny to Him!
If my memory serves me correctly (which I doubt), my purchase of a lottery ticket is called gambling, so we can assume that I gambled this morning (thankfully, I won!) and many of you will, therefore, be quick to label me a sinner; after all, it is “those” sorry sinners, who gamble. Feel free to do so because it really will not bother me—not any at all. I am fine—like really fine, and your “religious” opinion of my standing with God is not worth, well, it is not worth the time it took you to express it. By the way, where in the Bible is gambling listed as sin; I know where judgment is listed but what about gambling?
Anyway, I am already getting offers from some sincere Christians, as to how I can spend my money—on them.