Our Addictions to People

July 24, 2009

Dear Fellow Travelers,
Yes, another quote from Anthony de Mello: “How many activities can you count in your life that you engage in simply because they delight you and grip your soul” [“The Way to Love” p. 89]? Take a few minutes, many, if necessary, and make an honest list; I think you will be surprised.
From what I have been able to see, most people’s list will be rather short; in fact, I am betting that some of you will have a hard time coming up with even one activity, much less a list of them.
It is my guess that many of you get up in the morning, wishing you could remain in bed, but having to spend most of the day doing something you don’t even like to do, much less something you delight in doing. In fact, I am going to raise my bet and say that many of you are so weary, that you are about ready to throw up your hands and say, “I quit!”
Now, listen up, as I share another quote from de Mello (same book, same chapter): “Look at your life and see how you have filled its emptiness with people. As a result they have a stranglehold on you. See how they control your behavior by their approval and dis-approval. They hold the power to ease your loneliness with their company, to send your spirits soaring with their praise, to bring you down to the depths with their criticism and rejection. Take a look at yourself spending almost every waking minute of your day placating and pleasing people, whether they are living or dead.
Is there any wonder that so few of us engage in activities that delight us, that grip our souls? How can we, when we spend every waking moment attempting to placate and please people, when in fact we have sold our souls to our addictions to people, even dead people? “What will it profit a man, if he gains the whole world, but loses his own soul?”