A Road Less Traveled

July 10, 2009

Dear Fellow Travelers,
One of my readers informed me that she had begun reading Anthony de Mello’s book, “The Way to Love,” so, as you might imagine, I ordered it myself, and all I know to say is “Wow!”
The following is a quote from the book (p. 13-14): “If you take a look at the way you have been put together and the way you function you will find that inside your head there is a whole program, a set of demands about how the world should be, how you should be and what you should want. Who is responsible for the programming? Not you. It isn’t really you who decided even such basics as your wants and desires and so-called needs; your values, your tastes, your attitudes. It was your parents, your society, your culture, your religion, your past experiences who fed the operating instructions into your computer. Now, however old you are or wherever you go, your computer goes along with you and is active and operating at each conscious moment of the day, imperiously insisting that its demands be met by life, by people and by you. If the demands are met, the computer allows you to be peaceful and happy. If they are not met, even though it be through no fault of yours, the computer generates negative emotions that cause you to suffer. For instance, when other people don’t live up to your computer’s expectations, it torments you with frustration or anger or bitterness. Another instance: When things are not under your control or the future is uncertain, your computer insists that you experience anxiety, tension, worry. Then you ex-pend a lot of energy coping with these negative emotions. And you generally cope by spending more energy trying to rearrange the world around you so that the demands of your computer will be met. If this happens you will be granted a measure of precarious peace; precarious because at any moment some trifle (a delayed train, a tape recorder that doesn’t work, a letter that doesn’t arrive—anything) is going to be out of conformity with your computer’s programming and the computer will insist that you become upset again. And so you live a pathetic existence, constantly at the mercy of things and people, . . .” (italics added).
Whether or not you believe what de Mello says, the fact remains that we are con-trolled by the paradigm out of which we view life, and that paradigm was developed from what we learned from the significant others in our lives. Sadly, it determines our perceptions, and our perceptions determine our “reality.”
Is there a way out? Sure, but it is not an easy way; indeed, it is “a road less traveled.” Step one is to realize that your perception of reality is in all probability incorrect, which is no easy task. Step two is to realize that your “computer” is relentlessly insisting that reality be reshaped to conform to your perception of reality, i.e. to its programming. Once you “see” this, then you can begin refusing to conform to its demands.
You give this some thought—